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Gay son's outing upsets Dad in Fuppsylvania, then brings community togetherWHAT DOES AN ANTI-GAY DAD DO WHEN HIS SON COMES OUT?

Flounder Town, Fupppsylvania,
April 19, 2004:  While we were investigating rumors of the threat to take over Fupppsylvania's homelands and media (see FUPPPS April 17 editorial, Homeland in Peril), we decided to find out more about the inhabitants of the capitol, Flounder Town, just adjacent to the castle of Fupppsylvania's
sovereign, Liege Lord Hanford.


Citizens began yapping at us nonstop when they heard we were writing stories about folks in the area.  The most heartwarming snippet, perhaps, is the tail of a father and son at odds due to gender bias. 


"Howard Peel, our most important barrister, got really hot under the collar when he found out his son, Hughie, is gay," Sandra Whimslett, barmaid at "The Snug Pug" told us.  A number of gay dogs at the bar con-curred.  "Sandy's got it right, squire," Elliott Gooding, young dog-about-town said.


When we pressed the pack for facts, Gooding, acting as spokespooch for the group, spun out the story. "Guv'ner Peel was on his way to court last week, trotting along, happy as you please.  When he was about a block away, Woofie Newton, a real trouble-maker he is, sidled up beside him, sly-like, and said, 'Ave you heard about your son, Guv?'"


"What are you going on about, Woofie?" Hughie's unsuspecting Dad asked.  "Hughie has a new girl friend.  Only she's a he.  Name's Alfred," Woofie told Mr. Peel.


The elder Peel allegedly shrank back, a paw flung up to his open jaw.  "I don't believe it!"


"Believe it, guv!  Hughie and Alfred have been getting it on for months now, and they plan to get NIPtualed in June."  According to Gooding, Woofie was enjoying his moment.  It seems when they were pups Hughie always got picked for car chase and other prestigious sports teams, while Woofie was lucky if he made it to the dumpster diving squad.


"Well, that very night," Gooding went on, "Guv'ner Peel had a talking-to with Hughie.  He confronted the lad straight on.  'What's this I hear about you and ... who was it, Alfred?  What have you been up to?'


"Hughie knew the jig was up," Gooding continued.  "'Dad, I .. I was afraid to tell you, but I've fallen in love with Alfred.  We want to be married this summer.  He's a really good girl.  You'll love him.  He knows all the best places for bones, and he's really a good hunter.  But the best part is, he really loves me, too.  Please, Dad, give him a chance!'


"'I don't know what to say, Hughie,' the old man said.  'Are you sure you two are really in love?'"


"'Most emphatically, Dad.  Alfred is smart, funny and I just love him.'


"'Well, if you love him, he must be all right.  But what will your mother and I tell the neighbors?  And what will I tell the other barristers?'"


"'Just tell them your son found his mate for life.  And be happy for us,'" Gooding related that a now teary Hughie replied.


As of this writing, the good barrister has accepted his son's choice, and he and the wife are planning a family outing to the lake, where the intended bride will have a chance to really get to sniff about his in-laws, as they get to know him. 


Those around the bar are very happy at the outcome.  "We are thrilled to see this very conservative man stand up and accept his son for who he really is, and embrace the bride-to-be.  At this time of threat to our country, it is more important than ever for all of us to stick together.  The stronger we are as a country, the better we'll be able to fight off those who want to buy our up lands and take over our media."


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