Gorilla Comes Out of the Closet!

FUPPPS Editorial: Gorilla Comes out of the Closet!

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Atlanta, GA March 27, 2004:  Caesar, a 26 year old western lowland gorilla, was shipped away from his original home in Los Angeles last August.  Why? He never had any kids. The keepers at the LA Zoo figured it was because none of the ladies turned him on. So, they decided to fly him to Atlanta, eager for him to find the "gorilla his dreams," as the LA Times put it, and keep the gorilla population going.


Indeed, the southern girls are going ape. They've been seen flirting outrageously, pounding their breasts, and singing, "I'm a woman, W-O-M-A-N,"  "I'm a woman, hear me roar," and other ditties not fit to bark in this space.


Imagine the shock, then, as events unfolded.  Caesar, kept in quarantine for several months, was recently released.  While exploring his new turf, he met one of the other males.  Later, the two boys were seen entering Caesar's friend's private room, arm-in-arm.  Caesar clutched a staple gun.  A roll of flower-covered wallpaper poked out from under an arm. His friend carried a bag full of various foodstuffs, an apron and a crockpot.  Soon, smells of vegetable stew wafted over the entire enclosure, drawing the attention of not only the females across the moat, but the new keepers as well.


Looks as if Caesar will not be fathering children any time soon. 


Isn't it time the zoo staff in both cities realized what's really going on?


Show your support for Caesar and his new companion.  Fill in the survey below.  We'll be reporting results.


I agree.  Let Caesar wed the boy!


I disagree! Boy apes should marry girls only!


I'm not sure what's right for humans, let alone gorillas.

                My City                       My State



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