FUPPPS ALMOST DAILY EDITORIAL

FUPPPSYLVANIA, May 9, 2010  It was the wee hours of the morning when the Rev. Mr. Bassett was awakened by several loud scratches on his window. Looking out he was amazed. There stood three of most handsome German Shepherds he had ever seen in Fupppsylvania.

In the dim moonlight he didn’t know if he could believe his eyes. The three dogs seemed to be wearing a uniform of some sort. Opening the door he invited the strangers in and surveyed them as they entered. Almost in unison they marched up to him and exclaimed, "We have a problem!"

It seems the trio were all decorated members of the military’s elite K-9 Corps and now two of them were slated for discharge.

“What happened?” The Reverend inquired.

“Well,” said the leader of the pack, "Herman was seen sniffing around Gilbert and they were reported for their behavior. Now, under the military’s 'Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell' policy they have announced to the world they are gay and must leave the service."

His jowls dropping more than normal, the Rev. Mr. Bassett said, "But Secretary of Defense Robert Gates recently announced that the Pentagon will ease up on its enforcement of the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. He said homosexual behavior will still be against the rules, but nobody will actively enforce it. You know, kind of like the ethics regulations in Congress."

Horst spoke for the two as Herman and Gilbert lay side by side. “Our country is in great need of their talents.” He went on to say, “These two lads can smell an IED a half mile away. They have saved many lives.”

Dismayed by what he was hearing, the long-eared sage shook his head.

They discussed the sad situation until daylight. The Rev. Mr. Bassett led the three brave dogs to the door and promised them he would do all he could to help bring their plight to light. After a bit of time, while sitting alone, staring at the American flag waving on the front lawn, he got an idea. He would ask his congregation to contact their congressional representatives.

“My friends,” he said to the canines and felines sitting with paws perched on the pews before him, “if the pentagon and the President continue to drag their feet denying full freedoms to all, we need to contact them and have them change the wording of this vile conspiracy. I urge you to ask all your friends and relatives to write, fax, e-mail or call Washington and have the 'Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell' policy changed. Let's make it, 'If you think he's gay, look away.'"
 

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