Flounders Castle, April 17, 2004:  Looking out over the rolling hills, the golden poppies and multicolored lilies dotting the landscape and filling the soul, it is hard to believe anything can be wrong.  After all, this is the land of the free, home of the brave.  But there is an undercurrent of fear.  An odd smell permeates the air, more pungent than asparagus-tinted urine.

When we trekked up the hill to the castle for our appointed audience with Liege Lord Wallace Hanford, or "Wally" as he is known to his subjects, the reasons became clear. 

"We are under severe threat!" declared His Royal Pomeranian, a title bestowed in 2003 by the Queen.  "Dark horses and wild-eyed bulldogs are trying to buy up our lands and our newspapers, radio and television stations.  If they succeed, our way of life will be destroyed.  No more free water troughs at every corner!  No more salt licks!  No more obedience training for every pup -- it will be all dogs left behind!  And forget same sex NIPtuals!  These are right-wingers, fanatics. Even the sturgeons among them are right-finners.  We need help!  Please help us raise more bucks! Dig into your pouches and saddle bags and give what you can!  We must fight off these true evildoers!"  

We, too were upset to see the usually insouciant Lord Hanford so obviously distraught.  His teeth were bared and his tail twitched incessantly during our entire interview.  We decided to talk to other residents of the castle, to see how far the fear had spread.  Indeed, to a dog, they said, "We're afraid we're heading straight for the pooper!"

Townsfolk also had gotten wind of the alarm, which explained the acrid smell.

We at FUPPPS implore you to help.  Bucks in and around the coffers will insure our homeland will remain our safe haven!  Their presence will enable us to defend our lands, and our media.  If you care at all about the right to marry whomever you choose, if you care about clean, plentiful water, and salt, if you care about reading and hearing the truth in media, please give generously today!  Send us a note in the box below and we will contact you immediately with de-tails on how to contribute.