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Photo by Anonymous*
FUPPPSYLVANIA, August 10, 2005:
Following a brief report by ABC earlier this month about a
Believers’ Conversion Camp, the Rev. Mr. Bassett’s ears actually
stood up in awe. “Hypocrites were stoned in the past,” he said.
“Maybe they should take up that practice again.”
According to the normally mild-mannered reverend, the news source
cited beliefs that being gay is an addictive behaviour; the camp
offers to heal those suffering from this affliction by reparenting
and teaching our pups and kittens how to overcome their disease.
As more and more countries recognize Same Sex
NIPtuals it appears the
powerful statement of “Love One Another” has been amended by many
Believers to say: “Love one another, as long as they agree with
you.” Charity, peace and love must now come with disclaimers, it
seems.
As one pads along the streets and lanes of our small country one can
hear the woofs, mews and an assortment of other utterances decrying
such arrogance.
The long-eared minister was gracious enough to furnish our small but
vocal publication with a copy of his upcoming sermon. To quote from
a part of his homily: “I suggest to you that going to services two
or three times a week does not make you a true Believer any more
than going to a McDonalds so often makes you a Big Mac.”
He continues, “If being gay is addictive behaviour and the idea of
NIPtuals
outrageous, then those who wed members of the opposite sex and
divorce so many times evidence the same addictive behaviour. Do they
perhaps need ‘reparenting’? Or should we teach our offspring never
to chance anything that isn’t guaranteed? … The only guarantee in
life is death.”
“Perhaps,” he concludes, “we could all learn from the turtles who
know they never get anywhere unless they stick their necks out.”
Contributed by FUPPPS new
Editorial Associate Editor, I. Ben Hadd
Approved by the
FUPPPS Editorial Board
*Sent via web. If you are the photographer, or know the
photographer, please contact us!
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